By Anthony Morello
In 2021 my life changed forever when my son, Brayden Anthony Morello, was stillborn. It was an unexpected and life-altering conclusion to what had been a perfectly healthy pregnancy. I never knew what it would feel like to live life on this side of the fence.
My wife, Megan, was pregnant during the COVID-19 pandemic, and I was not allowed to attend her visits. Brayden was our first child, and as many people experiencing their first pregnancy can attest, we relied greatly on our doctor and nurses. We assumed a high-risk doctor would know all the answers, show the same level of care and attention, and have all the equipment necessary to handle any situation. We were naive.
On July 27, 2021 I got the call from Megan, who was sobbing in the hospital after hearing the awful news. I rushed to the hospital and heard the news for myself. “I’m sorry, but there is no heartbeat.” I started to cry like I have never cried before. I cried all day.
Eventually after one night and a strenuous morning, Megan gave birth to 7 ½ pound Brayden. He was an absolutely perfect baby boy who unfortunately had the umbilical cord wrapped tightly around his neck.
I look back at that day now with many feelings. I’m still so incredibly proud of Megan for the strength she showed that day. I am appreciative of all the nurses who supported us during this unimaginable time. But I have not forgiven our Doctor for not giving Megan advice on the importance of tracking fetal movement. We now know this information could have made all the difference for Brayden.
After the stillbirth, Megan went to her high-risk doctor for her six-week checkup without me or Brayden, who had already been cremated. The doctor walked into the exam room and asked Megan how the baby was doing. I was filled with rage. It was bad enough our baby was not delivered before this tragedy occurred, but to pour salt in the wound afterwards was inexcusable.
As the head football coach at Greenwich High School, I am surrounded by student-athletes who depend on me. Megan and I lost Brayden just two weeks before the 2021 football season started. I had no time to grieve, no time to be home, and no time to support my wife’s recovery. It was the toughest moment in my life. With hundreds of student-athletes depending on me, I continued to arrive on time, stay late, and throw myself into a sport I love with coaches and kids that I love.
I was distracted and unfocused. While everyone did their best to support me, it was clear the program was able to turn the page faster than I could. It was awkward to talk about at work. So I bottled everything up. I treated football as my therapy and pushed forward.
Megan spent the rest of 2021 grieving, crying, recovering, seeking help, and allowed her process to aid in her recovery. She became Connecticut’s only Count the Kicks ambassador, spreading love, guidance and education on stillbirth prevention to first-time families. She has spent countless hours trying to help others avoid the pain that we experienced.
This is the first time I have opened up to anyone. I don’t think I ever truly allowed myself to grieve. I developed bad habits and beat myself up behind closed doors. On the surface, I was everything I was before we lost our first born. I had to be. On the inside, I was struggling.
Every year more than 20,000 families in the U.S. lose a baby to stillbirth, including 158 Connecticut families. Nearly 60 families every day hear the devastating news that their baby no longer has a heartbeat. Stillbirth, which is defined as the loss of a baby at 20+ weeks of pregnancy, happens to 1 in every 220 pregnancies in Connecticut. Despite this, stillbirth remains one of the most underfunded, under-researched and overlooked maternal health outcomes. We simply aren’t talking about stillbirth enough, or what can be done to prevent it.
Two years later, Megan gave birth to our second son, named Beau. He is a healthy and loving baby boy that we both love so much.
In a lot of ways this tragedy has helped me put the world in perspective. Before Brayden, a tragedy for me would have been losing a state championship. Since then, I’ve been able to handle small losses much more in stride and I can now offer assistance to student-athletes and friends dealing with loss.
Over the years Megan and I have learned more about stillbirth prevention. Research shows at least 25% of stillbirths can be prevented when expectant moms and providers are educated on the importance of paying attention to a baby’s movement patterns in the third trimester of pregnancy.
A change in a baby’s movement can be the earliest and sometimes only sign a baby may be in distress and is an indication that both mom and baby should be evaluated by a healthcare provider right away. Count the Kicks helps expectant parents recognize when their baby’s movement patterns change, and it even encourages them to seek evaluation by a healthcare professional.
During Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month (held every October), I encourage you to share Count the Kicks with expectant families in honor of my son Brayden. You can order free Count the Kicks brochures and other materials in Connecticut thanks to a partnership with Anthem Blue Cross and Blue Shield Foundation.
Anthony Morello is a proud resident in Greenwich, CT where he was born and raised. He is the Director of Youth and Recreation at Burning Tree Country Club in Greenwich as well as a two time State Champion Head Football Coach for Greenwich High School. He is happily married to his beautiful and supportive wife Megan, and loves his Daddy time with their 2 year old son Beau.